Friday, December 26, 2003

A plan to rid the US of Arab terrorism

My friend Professor Jon Ruthven suggests the US do what it wants Israel to do:

In light of the horrible terrorism that struck the US on 11th Sept, we would like to recommend that the US follow the method of dealing with terrorism that the State Dept. has been recommending to the State of Israel:

1. Give the entire US east of the Mississippi to Osama Bin Ladin.

2. Invite him to negotiate a peace agreement AFTER the transfer of land has been completed. If he shows up for negotiations, the US will give him more land [as a reward].

3. Offer Syria, Iraq, Libya, Afghanistan, and Iran each a state west of the Mississippi if they offer to join the negotiations.

4. No retaliation against the perpetrators because that will increase [continue] the cycle of violence.

5. Offer Osama bin Ladin extra guns so he can police his new territory and prevent terrorism in it.

6. Call the victims "sacrifices for peace" and don't talk about revenge. Actually, it was the fault of the victims to go to work in the World Trade Center, since they knew for many years it was a prime target of Islamic terrorists. In fact, it was the fault of the US for not evacuating the World Trade Center earlier, and it is the fault of the US government for allowing US citizens to occupy buildings or areas of land that could be targeted by bin Ladin. The US should draw up plans for turning potential targets such as the Sears Tower in Chicago and the White House over to bin Ladin.

7. No closure of US borders or airports because that has a negative and unfair impact on people coming into the US. Rather, let more foreigners, particularly from Moslem countries, enter the US as a confidence-building measure.

8. Condemn the US for oppressing foreign countries at the same time that any denunciations of terrorism are made. After all, both sides are morally equivalent.

9. Allocate US tax dollars for bin Ladin to build up his infrastructure. In addition, take the taxes from money that Moslems earn in the US and deliver that money to bin Ladin.

10. Bring UN observers to the US to monitor excesses of violence on the part of the US government and to allow US citizens to be taken hostage from UN-controlled areas.

After all, fair is fair.